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September 25, 2008
GOD, Human Resources Coordinator
Heaven
1806 Robert Fulton Drive
Reston, VA 20191
Dear GOD,
I am writing this letter as a formal complaint against the treatment I have been receiving from one of your fellow gods between the dates of July 1, 1985 to the present. At approximately 6:00 a.m. every day, Helios approaches my dwelling in an attempt to solve the issue of warming the Earth. After some debate as to when he should blaze a path across the sky, he very rudely and forcefully wakes me up prematurely. The tone and body language he uses displays an opinion of disgust and contempt towards my nocturnal habits. After several years of discussion about the dissatisfaction he has for my working area, he leaves. In the process he has bathed everything with an abrasive and intrusive light.
The intent of this letter is to inform you of my aggravation and sleep deprivation that occurs because of these incidents. He does approach me privately. He wakes and irritates me in front of approximately one of my housemates. Professionally, it has affected my morning job performance as well as low morning morale. Personally, it shattered any illusion of personal space as well as creating a strong dependence on a drug called caffeine.
I am not asking for an apology, nor would I believe its sincerity should I get one. All I ask is that should he have any further rude awakenings, he approach them with some degree of respect if not empathy to my nocturnal choice of lifestyle. I also ask that he take the complaints through the appropriate channels by requesting communication with my direct supervisor (Loki, God of Mischief) or myself in order to give us the chance to resolve things internally within my own bed.
Thank you for you attention to this matter,
Michelle Mathews
Common Human
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