When I think about starting a family it frightens me. Not for the regular reasons, like the life-changing responsibility, well never mind, I guess that isn't totally true. It is responsibility that scares me. But, I see it in episodes. In little twenty minute clips of responsibility. Like, teaching your child how to take pills. That's terrifying. What if your child just chokes to death in front of you and all you were doing was teaching him how to swallow a pill - with m&m's. And now that little candy coated shell (probably a green one – the green one's were always fuckers) – is lodged deep in his throat. Clearly not fucking melting in his mouth, else he wouldn't be motherfucking choking, right? What would my wife do? She'd probably try to kill me out of grief, which would make Holiday's and family visits awkward. And then there's my boy on the ground writhing and clawing as I'm on the phone trying to help and call 9-11 and why the hell can't he just hock this thing up? I've choked before and I won! Hock that thing up boy! Jesus, why does he even need to learn how to take pills? This isn't a life skill! Wait, is it? No, certainly not – he could've crushed the pills. Mr. Heimlich seems to be mistaken about his technique. In retrospect, to all that, being single isn't so bad. And I really love my dog.
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